is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
