One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize