Joe is yelling at the trees again.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
