Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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