I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize