I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
