Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
