Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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