I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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