ugly people sure do ruin things
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
