So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
