last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize