Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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