What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
