I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Randomize
