So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
