Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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