i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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