After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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