He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
