I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
