I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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