So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
