I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
