Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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