I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
