if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You made out with two different species that night
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
