It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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