I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
