Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize