Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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