I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
