she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
