Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My vagina is very pro this idea
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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