if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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