i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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