Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it hurts more in the daytime
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
