remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just pee around me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize