I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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