I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
