The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize