she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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