I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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