You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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