Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
