I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pants are for mortals
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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