I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
