He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
