Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I met the friendliest cop last night
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
