My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
