he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
