i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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