You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
