Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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