my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize