First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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