Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
