I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
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