I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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