yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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