Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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