i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
