I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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