Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
