problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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