We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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