He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
