I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
